Meet the cullens
by vampirechick123
Summary: Alice and Jasper meets the cullens. Extremely funny. R&R.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N I am sick of admitting it but I do not own the book or the characters.**

**APOV**

After months of searching we were finally here at the Cullen's household. It was beautiful about an acre was just a garden, Esme's work. White beams spiraling downwards around the swing around porch of the white house. White? Why did they always have to choose white?

Jasper and I walked up the huge walk and stood there before the door, me bouncing slightly. We stood there for about 10 seconds before Jasper asked "Aren't you going to knock?"

"Oh, yeah" We just stood there, Jasper looking at me like I was an imbecile. "Why aren't you knocking?" he asked, he might be able to read my emotions, but he was not Edward and able to read my mind.

"You can't just go up to a household full of vampires and knock, especially when they are the Cullens!" I said making 'Cullens' two words.

Jasper's hand went up to his neck "Take your time…they can hear us, you know. They are very confused."

My bounce went slower until it stopped and my real big smile turned into a hard line. "Oh no, no, oh my god! I just made a complete fool of myself…we have to get out of here. Now. Run, Jasper, RUN!"

With that I tried to run and never come back. I would've done that if it wasn't for Jasper stopping me by putting his arm around my waist. I was running in place against his arm trying to get away. His other hand went up and knocked on the door.

I suddenly stopped and began worrying "You knocked! How could you knock? I didn't have time to check my make-up. How's my make-up?" Jasper gave me a blank look. "that bad, huh? Oh my goodness. I look ugly, so ugly, so very ugly. They can't see me like this" I hid my face against Jasper's chest.

I heard the door open slowly and a slightly hesitant voice- Carlisle voice, ask "How may I help you?"

**A?N that is the end of the first chapter it gets funnier I have a lot of it right in front of me. Next chapter very soon. R&R please please please **


	2. Chapter 2

A/n next chapter of meet the Cullen's

**A/n next chapter of meet the Cullen's**

**I do not own twilight…and I have no idea what I would do if I did.**

I muttered into Jasper's chest "We want to join your family."

"Pardon me?"

I gripped Jasper's arms and started to bang my head off of his chest. "How can I be so idiotic, Jasper? You see what I've done? Now he hates me! You hate me right, Carlisle, right?"

"Er…no."

"Then why not?"

"He didn't understand what you said. That 'pardon me?' was asking you to repeat yourself." Jasper was always calm. He stopped me from hurting my head anymore. His head was shooting between me and Carlisle, not sure of what to say.

Carlisle broke the silence "would you two like to come in?" Even I could tell he was feeling awkward.

I nodded into Jasper's chest, walking backwards and pulling Jasper along with me so no one would have to see my ugly face. Jasper led me to a chair and sat me down. I tried to hold his shirt to my face "come on, Alice. You are stretching my shirt."

"But I'm ugly!" there was no way I was showing my face to a room full of hopefully future family members.

"Come on." Jasper said to me like I was five.

"Which do you care more for, me or your shirt?" If he said his shirt…

"That's not fair."

"Honey," Esme's voice "I really doubt you are ugly."

"Is too, Jasper said so."

"I didn't."

"So you lied?"

"But I didn't even say anything!"

"Yeah, well. You sure as heck didn't tell the truth… I must be uglier than I thought."

There was a five second pause and I could feel the confusion in the air like I was Jasper. Finally Jasper said "Can I have my shirt back?"

"One second." I pulled over my head, not caring that my bra was showing. I would have to say that my torso would be prettier than my face. I let go of Jasper's shirt gently.

I heard Rosalie's sharp laugh across the room and I knew she was laughing at my almost shapeless body.

I could see all the others from the inside of my orange shirt.

Esme was the first to speak. "So, do you two have names?"

"Yes, we do." I muttered, hoping to look a little normal. "They are Jalice and Asper."

"Jalice and Asper?"

"Um… that's Alice and Jasper" corrected Jasper to my utter embarrassment. I would have rather gone my Jalice than to be seen as more of a dork in front of them. I had to redeem myself by telling them my new nickname.

"You can just call me Ugly, it matches my face."

"Sweetie," started Carlisle "We will not be calling you Ugly."

Rosalie gave another heated laugh. "Dad, you suck at this compassion stuff."

"Me?"

"No, my other father." retorted Rosalie sarcastically.

"Fine, do you think you can make Alice feel better?"

"Yes." Rosalie came over and knelt in front of me. "Honey, do you want to come with me so we can put some make-up on?"

I nodded and Rosalie took my hand.

**A/N alas, the end of another chapter….i need ideas people for future chapters…**

**33 thank for reading**


	3. Chapter 3

A/N so here is the next chapter

**A/N so here is the next chapter. Sorry I have not updated in a while. I have been really busy, I know a lame excuse but still.**

She led me upstairs to her grand bathroom, like the one I get if Carlisle would accept my offer.

"So, how old are you? Ten?" she asked while I sat on her toilet with my head still covered. I knew she thought I was a moron, and was putting on a really sweet voice to please me. Her voice was just too sweet.

"Nineteen." Did I really look ten?

"No, I mean physically."

"Nineteen."

"Okay, not including vampire years, how old were you when you changed?" Rosalie was starting to sound as annoyed as I felt.

"Nine-teen." I said it this time separated each syllable.

"Well, it looks like you are not old enough to count yet, huh?"

I really couldn't just let that one go. "I am just a figureless nineteen years old; I was nineteen when I got changed."

"Oh, sorry." She didn't sound it. "I am going to need to need you to put your shirt on right."

"What if my ugliness kills you?"

"It won't"

"so you agree, I am ugly."

"How can I, I haven't even seen you yet." I could hear her opening different containers.

"You promise you won't scream or faint or start crying."

"Why would I start crying because of an ugly person." Now she was starting to get a kick out of this.

"Promise me!!"

"Fine, Fine, fine. I promise I will not scream cry or faint because of your ugliness."

I put my hand to the collar of my shirt slowly bringing it down "Well, do you feel tears coming?"

"Firstly, vampires do not cry. Secondly, the only ugly part of you is you hair, we will have to do something about that."

"My hair?" I asked tugging on a lock of it. I always liked how it shot up in all different directions.

"Well, yeah. It is everywhere. I can fix that up for you…if you want?"

I quickly agreed to make sisters with Rosalie. She quickly went to work while we chatted lightly.

"So, is that boy down there your husband?"

"My boyfriend."

"He's cute."

Fury rose up inside my chest. "HE is mine!!" oh, how could I compete with a beauty like Rosalie even if I wasn't so ugly I started to sob and I ran out into the hallway and broke the banister and up inside of Carlisle's lap. So embarrassing.

I stopped crying and looked up in horror but Carlisle had a smile on his face. "Are you alright, Alice?"

I blurted out the words "Carlisle, I know I am ugly, I know it. Can you please, please, please try and ignore that and let me and Jasper inside your family, please. I don not care if I have to stand in front of a wall for all eternity so you don't have to see my face. I don't care; all I want to do is be a part of the Cullen household with Jasper by my side."

**A/N so what will Carlisle say?**

**What will Rosalie say?**

**Review please. The more reviews I get the more I update.**


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